The path led over the hill to a birch grove. In this grove was an abandoned 1950's Chevy convertible. The key was in the ignition. Aulden leaned into the car and turned the key but the engine wouldn't start. This car was rusted inside and out. The upholstery was decayed away, leaving just piles of springs.

The little clown, Clarence, climbed into the car and the iconic figure, Blessing, followed him: two playmates. Aulden sat on the hood of the car, wondering what to do next, and Janice sat next to him. Others with him, Poseidon, The Wind, Father Excelli, and Paula the bookstore owner, sat nearby on the grass.

An old man wearing farm clothes, overalls and a straw hat, came to them. Aulden watched silently as the man approached. When the man came within a few feet, Aulden asked, "Do you have something to tell us?"

The farmer said, "We bought an old used convertible that weekend and used it to cruise and drink beer and make out with girls. When it wore out we pushed it into a birch grove. You know, this old bear, she could run again."

Aulden played along, and said, "Okay. What do we need to do to get it running?"

"A battery, some gas… a lot of work."

The voice of a woman, somewhere beyond the birch grove, called out, "Fred, come home for dinner!"

The farmer - Fred - told them, "I have to go now."

Aulden replied, "Okay," but he didn't want the unfolding scenario to end, so he said, "I want to come with you!"

Farmer Fred answered, "Okay, come on then." Aulden asked, "And my friends?" Fred simply motioned for them to follow, and said, "Come on."

They walked along a dirt road and entered a farmyard. To their right was a large dairy barn, and in front of them, at the far end of the big open yard was an old farmhouse. Standing on the porch of the house was a slender blonde woman wearing a sundress.

The woman said to Fred, "You brought friends."

He answered, "Yes, a few."

"Well, come in," she told them, and led them into the house. "Are you staying for dinner?"

Aulden answered, "We don't want to be a bother."

"It's no bother," she assured them. She led them to a dining room. As he followed her, Aulden's familiar stomach pain increased.

"There's eight of us," Aulden told her.

She stopped, glanced at Blessing and Clarence, and said, "Looks like six and two halves. Not even that."

Aulden asked her, "Are you Fred's wife?"

"Goodness, no! I'm his daughter," she answered. She did appear much younger than Fred, but she was an adult and she was quite attractive.

Fred asked, "What's for dinner."

She responded by saying, "You all sit down." Places were already set for them at the long dining table.

The woman left the room as they all chose places at the table. When she returned she was carrying a large platter with a roasted pig - the head still intact. She asked, "Does anyone want to say grace?"

Aulden felt that he was playing along when he volunteered, "I will. Dear Heavenly Father, In the book of Acts you presented Peter with unclean animals and said 'Eat,' and you said, 'What I have declared is clean, is clean.' Therefore, bless now this food for us to share and eat. Amen."

The farmer's daughter dished out portions and Aulden asked, "Are there other members of your family?"

Fred answered, "Just me and Maybelle now."

"Maybelle," Aulden repeated, noting her name, and she nodded an affirmation.

Paula stood and left the table. Her pregnancy didn't mix well with the sight of the roast pig. After Paula left, Aulden excused himself and went to the porch to check on her. Janice followed and so did The Wind. Aulden said to the three of them, "I don't like it here. I don't know why, I just don't like it."

The others all came to the porch: Poseidon, Clarence, Blessing and Father Excelli. Everyone in the group wanted to leave this place. Aulden asked them, "What if there's something I need to learn here?"

Maybelle came to the porch and Aulden quickly said to her, "We have to be going." Before she could reply, the group turned and left the porch and walked away.

They backtracked to the grassy hillside above the cottonwood grove. Aulden reviewed verbally, "The caped woman said 'follow this path,' but there was no distinct path so maybe we made a wrong turn at the cottonwoods. Why did we leave the farmyard? Was it fear? Am I trying to avoid something I need to experience there? I have to go back. I have to go back don't I, Wind?"

"You don't have to go back," The Wind responded.

"But if I want to grow…" Aulden countered.

"Yes," The Wind agreed.

Aulden announced, "Anyone who wants to wait here can wait here."

Several of them felt that they should stay behind. When Aulden began to walk back to the farmhouse, only The Wind and Janice accompanied him.

On their return, Aulden saw that it no longer resembled the farmyard. It had transformed into something else. "This place… I've been here before," Aulden whispered to himself, and he said to his companions, "I was here with my wife before she left me. This is a resort with mineral baths and a hot-spring."

The dairy barn had changed into the building he remembered: a bathhouse. The farmhouse transformed into the old hotel and office that Aulden visited long ago. "It was a resort," he recounted, "I came here… with her." Then Aulden wept.

Janice placed her hand on his shoulder and asked, "What'll we do?"

Aulden wiped his cheek on his sleeve, and said, "We'll go inside and just be there and listen and watch and feel."

Aulden knocked on the farmhouse door - the office door. It opened and a shadow-like ninja figure leaped out swinging a sword at him - slashing. Aulden dodged and avoided each swing of the weapon. He felt so surprised at the attack, so incredulous, that he grinned and said to The Wind, "It's attacking me!"

Then the ninja ran past him and fled from the porch. Suddenly, more ninjas ran from the building, so many of them that they no longer appeared to be ninjas. They had the appearance of a dark river flowing past Aulden. Janice and The Wind stepped back, but Aulden stepped into the stream and shouted repeatedly, "I'm not afraid of you! I'm not afraid of you!" The Wind grabbed hold of Aulden's shirt and pulled him back, out of the dark river.

The rushing darkness subsided; dissipated. Aulden called into the house, "Farmer Fred! Maybelle! We want to talk to you!" No one came to the door.

They sat on the porch bench and waited. The Wind looked shaken. Aulden had never seen him this way. He said to The Wind, "I'm not afraid of a bunch of gaseous dark shadow creatures." He stepped off the porch and kicked dirt in their direction, and shouted, "Go on! Get out of here!"

For a moment The Wind looked pale, and his hair was gray, but he recovered quickly and his hair returned to black. The Wind smiled and said, "You scared the color out of me!"

Aulden asked him, "Was there a danger?"

"Where would they have taken you?" The Wind asked, grimly. He stood and went to the doorway, reaching up and holding the top of the frame, and repeated, "Where?"

"I guess if I'd have been swept up in the dark flow… I don't know." Aulden wondered whether The Wind was just being dramatic. He'd never seen The Wind act worried. Aulden said, "We have to go inside, you know."

Janice, Aulden and The Wind stood in the doorway and looked in.

"This might sound silly," Aulden whispered, "But what if the farmer's daughter tries to seduce me? To be a healthy person, should I refuse because she's feeding my neurosis, or should I go for it because I need to do this to grow?"

The Wind asked, "What would the real you do?"

Janice suggested, "What does the Book of You and Only You say?"

"Let's look," Aulden responded. He closed his eyes and gazed inward. "I'm on page three. It says, 'Black and white. A pair of socks.' Wow - that's like just gibberish, but it seems to say that two radically different moral choices are no different than two socks."

Aulden was quiet for a moment, contemplating. The silence was interrupted by Janice who said, "Wait a minute. What are you thinking about?" Aulden confessed, "I met a woman while I was at work today." Janice reacted with anger, "Why don't you just jack off before you come here?"

Her confrontation surprised him, and Aulden tried to change the subject, saying, "The whole point of this journey was to find joy, and I expected to find that road instead of this place. You know, the road?"

Janice asked, "The road to joy?"

Aulden responded, "Completeness."

Janice added, "Individuation," but her tone was tense and she turned away from him.

"You're really mad at me, aren't you?" Aulden asked, "Because my thoughts drifted?"

"Of course I am," she answered back.

Aulden asked The Wind, "How about you? Are you mad at me?"

The Wind shrugged, and said, "Leave me out of it."

Feeling the energy of anger, himself, Aulden said, "We're going to go inside this building."

They entered the lobby of the office building of the hot-springs resort. No longer a farmhouse, this was a place Aulden had visited with his wife; a place that stirred up emotional memories in him.

Fred and Maybelle were sitting in the lobby. Aulden sat in a chair facing them. Janice and The Wind sat on his right and left. Aulden focused on the moment - on his meditation work, and he remained silent, sitting and watching Maybelle and Fred. He continued this practice for two more days and nights in his morning and evening meditation sessions.

On the third evening, Maybelle stood. In her hands was a large can of silver polish. She said to Aulden, "Are you ready?" Aulden answered, "Okay."

She dipped two fingers into the silver polish and swiped it onto Aulden's left cheek. She then continued to spread the polish until Aulden's face and neck were covered.

As she wiped the silver polish onto his skin, Aulden's thoughts again drifted. When he returned his focus on Maybelle, he said, "I'm sorry." She answered, "That's okay. I've been dealing with people like this for years. They don't know what they're trying not to get."

Maybelle removed Aulden's shirt and covered more of his skin with the polish. She told him, "This will clean the silver in you; the silver that is you."

Aulden asked, "Tell me more about not knowing what I'm trying not to get."

She answered, "You don't know what you don't want. It's easier to know what you don't want than what you want, but you don't even know that."

As she continued, Aulden took hold of the shoulder straps of her sundress and looked into her eyes. She, without any distraction from her work with the silver polish, said, "Go ahead." He pulled the straps off her shoulders and the dress fell off of her. When she finished covering his upper body, she unbuttoned Aulden's jeans and unclothed him. She continued covering him with the silver polish, beginning with the large scar on his right leg that he'd received years earlier in a car accident. She knelt and took his calf in both hands and as she covered the scar with silver polish she began weeping. Watching her intently, Aulden also wept.

The feeling was, of course, sexual in a way. But that was incidental. The primary feeling was of sacredness, as if she was performing a sacrament. Why did Aulden undress her? The impulse felt right to him, as if this was part of the ritual.

She took hold of Aulden's phallus, and said, "Did you know? This is you." She covered this part of Aulden's body with the silver polish. The soles of his feet were the only areas remaining not covered with the polish.

She said, "You can sit now." Aulden sat, and Maybelle then took his feet and completed the task of polishing his entire body. She then stood back, smiling. Aulden felt that she was admiring her work and not admiring him. Aulden admired her.

The group sat silently. Aulden watched Maybelle, and enjoyed looking at her body. He leaned closer to Janice and whispered, "She looks kind of like you."

Janice whispered back, "Not exactly. Her body is different."

Aulden answered, "I wouldn't know."

"I know," she agreed.

"You do have a jealous side," Aulden whispered.

"If I do, you do."

Aulden affirmed, "I do. I know I do."

Then Aulden turned to The Wind, and whispered, "Maybe there's a quality I can gain if I'm with her. You know - with her?"

The Wind suggested, "Maybe there's a quality that you can lose."

Aulden asked Janice, "If I did this, would you join us?" This angered her so much she couldn't speak. Then Aulden recognized that Janice would feel hurt if he was intimate with Maybelle. This realization surprised him, partly because Jung considered these archetypal images to be primal instincts. Aulden wasn't certain whether they could respond with jealousy or feelings of being hurt.

He said to Maybelle, "You can get dressed now."

She replied, "You're not coming with me, are you?"

Aulden answered, "To a bedroom?"

She confirmed, "Yes."

"No," Aulden said, "Maybe some day, but not now. Can you tell me, what was this about - the silver polish? What does it mean?"

Maybelle said to him while putting on her dress, "Refreshing, isn't it?"

Aulden repeated, "What was it about?" and she said, "Look at yourself."

Aulden examined himself. His skin had a simultaneous appearance of glowing flesh and smooth silver. Maybelle said, "You're ready now." Aulden had no idea what he was ready for, exactly.

As they prepared to leave, Maybelle said, "You come back and see me."

Aulden said, "I have to ask, can you help me know what I want?"

The farmer's daughter answered, "I think I just did."

Aulden turned to leave and again stopped to ask another question. "Fred, what was your car all about? Why was that car part of this?"

Fred replied, "You want that car? You can have it. Here - here's the key." He tossed the key to Aulden who recalled that the key had been in the ignition earlier. "Keys must have something to do with ownership," he contemplated. He'd seen several keys in this world inside his head.

Maybelle seductively ran a finger along her neck and shoulder, and subtly pushed off a strap of her sundress, letting it drape across her arm. Fred asked Aulden, "What do you think of that car?" as if he was unaware of his daughter's actions.

Aulden asked him, "Fred, I think I'm supposed to learn something else here. Why does sex keep reading into it?" Fred laughed when Aulden asked that - just laughed.

Aulden wondered if he could make Fred upset, so he asked, "Fred, can I fuck your daughter?"

At that, Fred laughed again and nudged Maybelle, pushing her toward Aulden. This response bothered Aulden, and he said to his companions, "Come on, we're leaving."

They walked from the building, through the parking lot of the hot-springs resort - and Aulden talked continuously, still troubled. "They offered me nothing except a chance to see what I don't want. I still don't get what the silver polish was all about and why it had to come from her. Let's go look at the car again. Wind, is it better for me to drive myself or turn control over to someone else? I sure don't feel 'individuated' about this paradox. What am I missing?"

Janice said, calmly, "You should go to the bathhouse."

The bathhouse looked the same as when Aulden was there with his wife long before. The resort was old, and the building had a charm that carried over from when the resort accommodated guests back in the 1920s. The bathhouse was divided into two sections, for women and for men. The only difference from when he'd been there before was that this time there were no other guests, and when Aulden and The Wind entered the men's section they found themselves alone.

Aulden surveyed the facility: rows of claw-foot bathtubs lined one side of the area just as he remembered, and beds were on the other side where guests would be covered with hot towels after a mineral bath.

Aulden sat on one of the beds and The Wind sat next to him. The Wind said, "You've been here before. I was with you."

"That was before I met you," Aulden recalled.

The Wind repeated, "I was with you," and he added, "You're thinking about her."

"I was with her here."

The Wind answered, "I know."

They glanced around the room, at the beds and the tubs. The Wind asked, "Do you remember?"

Aulden said, "I don't know if I should remember. I want it to be new." He changed the topic, noting, "Dream books say that when you drive your own car in a dream it means you haven't turned control over to God. Should I take Fred's car and drive it myself, or should I just leave it there?"

The Wind said, "You drive your own car in the material world."

"But in this world should I let God be the driver?"

The Wind answered, "Maybe God is the car." Aulden knew that he meant metaphorically. Aulden was amused that metaphorical images never called themselves metaphors - and maybe they weren't metaphors at all, but were a kind of distorted reflection.

Aulden asked, "Isn't it funny how Maybelle cleansed me with silver polish and Fred gave me the car and both of them seemed to be unclean. What's that about? And the silver polish - what that about?"

The Wind said, "I don't think either of them were unclean. They provided choices. They showed you things about yourself."

Aulden wondered, "And the silver polish?"

The Wind added, "And the car."

"The car… same thing?" Aulden asked.

The Wind nodded, "The same."

Aulden said, "We haven't seen the car yet."

"Do you think we should now?" The Wind asked him.

They went outside. Janice wasn't there, so Aulden called into the ladies side of the bathhouse. She came to the door, wearing a towel, and said, "I'm doing the baths. Can you wait a little?"

She left them there, waiting. Aulden, with a tendency to over-think everything, said to The Wind, "Now I have another opportunity. There's morality and there's, I don't know, 'seize the day.'" The Wind, without speaking, watched him. Aulden committed to a choice, "Okay, I'll step up and test the water."

He called into the bathhouse, "Janice… Are you alone?" She called back, "Yes." He went inside.

She was laying in one of the tubs. Aulden threw off his clothes and stepped into the bath. The water was steaming hot. They made love in the bathhouse, in the long, claw-foot bathtub, and while they did Janice whispered into his ear, "Are you mine now?" He responded, "Yes." She said, "It'll be better now because I know you." He didn't understand what she meant by that, but while they were connected there, Aulden remembered that she'd told him long ago, while she was bartending, that she knew what people wanted.

The water in the tub moved with them, nearly flowing over the side of the tub at their feet and then at their heads. At that moment of completion, as his body tensed, Aulden could hear voices far away. As Aulden and Janice relaxed together, afterward, in the tub, the sound of the voices became louder before fading away: too many voices from too many directions for Aulden to understand what was being said. This was the first time Aulden realized that Janice had the ability to read thoughts, and that he might take in this ability by being close to her.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

They walked to Fred's car: Janice, The Wind and Aulden.

When they came near to the car, in the cottonwood grove, Aulden turned away so he wouldn't see it.

Janice asked, "Why are you getting distracted?"

He explained, "I'm worried that I won't see this car like I'm supposed to see it."

"How are you supposed to see it?"

"The way it is," Aulden pointed out, "And not the way I want to picture it."

Janice said, "This car is very special. You see it like true Self. How do you do that?" She asked as if she was prompting him to remember.

Aulden answered, "Watch, listen, wait.

She took hold of his shoulders and slowly turned his body so he'd face the car. It's red, and it's fully restored - a beautiful 1950s Chevy convertible.

Aulden, admiring the car, pointed out, "It's still stuck in the trees - saplings grew up all around it."

The Wind, smiling, got into the front passenger seat, and Janice sat in the middle between them as Aulden sat behind the wheel.

The Wind said, "It's like you, fully restored and still stuck with little saplings blocking you on all sides."

Aulden replied, "I can't wait! A metaphor for getting unstuck!" He started the engine. It had a smooth, powerful sound - a low purr. He turned the wheels and tried to maneuver out of the trees, but had to confess, "We are really stuck! What happens now?"

The Wind answered, "Why don't you just wait and see?"

The car moved. Actually it felt as though the car wasn't moving. The feeling was as if the world moved and the car stood still. The trees appeared translucent, as did the car and they passed through the trees like air through a screen door. When they were beyond the trees, The Wind said, "You can take over now."

"Take over? Is he kidding?" Aulden thought, "I can drive now, but I don't think I'll feel as though I can 'take over' ever again."

Aulden drove along the dirt road leading to the resort. He said to his passengers, "You're my closest friends. Isn't that sad?"

The Wind answered, "I'm honored."

Janice said, "I want more for you."

The Wind asked, "Where are you going?"

Aulden said, "I'm going to take the car back."

Aulden entered the hotel office and found Fred and Maybelle sitting where they were when he'd left. He greeted them, saying, "You're still right here."

Fred answered, "Yes, we're just waiting for you to come back."

Aulden tossed him the key, and said, "I don't want your car. It's too nice of a gift. You keep it. Thanks anyway, though."

Fred took the key, and said, "You're not a very nice guest."

True, Aulden was unconsciously hostile and covertly afraid of these two figures. He said to Maybelle, "You're a very nice person. I'm sure someone will want to have sex with you. I'm sure your dad will even approve." He didn't understand his fear of them, but he knew his remark was hostile. He also didn't understand why Maybelle laughed, but she was laughing, as if amused, as he left the building.

The Wind and Janice and Aulden, once again walked across the parking area of the resort. Aulden felt more conflicted and confused than ever, and said, "It isn't resolved. I don't feel 'individuated' about this." Janice took hold of his hand as they walked.

Aulden asked The Wind, "Do you wish you had someone to love?"

The Wind answered, "It isn't good for man to be alone. But I have different needs," and he quickly added, as if he thought they would laugh at that, "I really do!"

Janice and Aulden asked at once, "What are your needs?"

The Wind gave a long pause and they waited. He finally answered, "I need you to hear me. That's it."

This interested Aulden: An angelic figure has a need, strong as the human sex-drive, to be heard. This made sense because, after all, the function of an angel is to be a messenger. Aulden's thoughts went again to Maybelle and Fred, and he remembered Detail's advice about Poseidon, to "keep him close." The archetypal figures begin as shadows in the unconscious until they're brought into the light of conscious awareness.

He thought on those things, and he said, "I need to go back."

The Wind answered, "Again?"

He placed his hands on the shoulders of his companions, and he said, "Go back to the rest of the group - to Poseidon and the others - and when I'm done I'll meet you there."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When Aulden returned alone, Maybelle was on the porch-bench, wearing a white, sleeveless nightshirt. He sat beside her. They were quietly for a few minutes. Aulden finally asked, "Maybelle, what's your function in my life?"

She answered, "To get your house in order."

Aulden responded, "No wonder my stomach hurts around you." But in case he didn't understand her correctly, he repeated, "What's your function in my life?"

In a tone as if the answer was obvious, Maybelle told him, "Death. You'll see."

Aulden was intent on understanding her, and he started by asking, "What in me is experiencing death with you?"

Maybelle said, "The car, the conditions, the relationship - I am the ultimate letting go."

Aulden told her, "My stomach hurts so much right now, it must be true. If I can let go of you…"

Maybelle interrupted, "You'll have a certain success but you never can let go of me because I'm your death."

"I don't know if I understand that."

Maybelle explained, "Sensuality, sexuality, night, silver, the moon, your death, 'get your house in order.'"

Aulden said, "Tell me something about you."

In her enigmatic style, she answered, "I'm salty. I rake with my fingernails."

"You said you're my death," Aulden repeated to her.

Maybelle explained, "Maybe… I wait for you. Make love to me and you won't fear me anymore."

"But if I make love to you," Aulden questioned, "Won't you turn into something worse?"

"I'll turn into something better," she assured him, "Because you'll love me. Let's take a walk."

She led him around to the back of the farmhouse, to a trail that led up a tall, steep hill. Aulden felt elated - eager to walk with her, and he skipped and danced as he followed. He didn't understand his excitement, but he'd become accustomed to not understanding his feelings around her.

Maybelle ordered him, "Stop acting euphoric."

Aulden asked, "Am I euphoric?"

She explained, "It's an effect I have on people."

"You're not how I expected death to look."

"I didn't say I was death. I said I'm your death."

Aulden asked, "Why don't you have, like, a black hooded robe and a skull face?"

"Because I'm beautiful," she answered.

"Maybelle, my death, what can I learn from you?"

"Letting go."

Aulden asked her to elaborate on that, "What else? Tell me more about that."

"I came here through the person who showed you a piece of that. It's all just practice for the final time. It takes you down to us every time. It's not so bad if you get used to it."

Aulden asked her, "What do you want from me? What do you want me to do?"

"Love me. Make love to me," she answered. "When I seduce you, you respond. Dance my dance with me."

Aulden was filled with questions, recognizing the opportunity he had in meeting this figure. He asked her, "Death… How do I recognize a death in me happening?"

Maybelle answered, "When you fight it," and she laughed at that, adding, "But when you learn not to fight it: a falling; falling from; falling away; falling away from."

Aulden requested, "What can you give me to help me do your dance."

She raised her arms in the air and slowly turned around and around. Her nightshirt was slightly translucent, and Aulden watched, captivated. She said, "Do you see this? I can give you this."

"I understand, kind of. I'll be open to that," Aulden promised her.

They continued up the steep trail. Aulden asked, "What about those ninja demons - the specters like a river?"

Maybelle said, "They weren't my demons. They were your demons: fear demons."

"I kept shouting, 'I'm not afraid of you.'"

Maybelle stopped and turned to him, close enough that her body brushed against him, and she said, "Not anymore."

"When you cleaned me with silver polish…?"

She explained, "I was making you ready for death."

"What's the next thing I have to learn from you?"

She seemed to be choking when he asked that. She coughed, and a small, trumpet-shaped silver whistle came from her throat and into her hands. She held it out for him to see and he looked in fascination, asking, "Tell me about this whistle."

Maybelle said, "It's silver, to call others into this night world. Swallow it."

"Do you have any water to wash it down?" Aulden asked her.

She suddenly had a glass of water to offer him. When he tried to swallow the whistle, it lodged in his throat, but that seemed to be where it belonged.

Maybelle said to him, "You need to write. You need to do anything you need to do to tell about this place where you live now."

"Where I live?" he asked.

Maybelle replied, "You don't have another home."

They continued along the trail, holding hands and occasionally stopping to embrace. Aulden was giddy, overwhelmed by - what are those love-inducing chemicals - pheromones?

Between times of talking, times of walking silently and moments of affection, they'd traveled far and reached the top of the hill. They took in an enormous view of The Columbia River Gorge - the region around the hot-springs resort, quite wonderful; wondrous - but dwarfed by the wonder he had for her. They stood and looked for a moment before shrugging it off to walk back down the trail.

Aulden wanted to know why she chose the hot-springs resort as the place where he would find her. "Why the bathhouse?"

Maybelle explained, "Because it was a peak moment for you. But now you have to let it go. And you have to let me go, too. But don't forget what I taught you."

Aulden asked, "Can I come back again?"

"Of course. You always can," Maybelle answered. "We're here."

When she said that, they were at the base of the hill as though the walk back was just that short.

Aulden was surprised at how quickly they'd descended the hill. He exclaimed, "Already?" and he stepped back to view Maybelle once more, "You look great. I'm gonna miss you."

Maybelle responded, "I'm not really gone, you know."

She took hold of his hands and she kissed his lips. Then she went into the office building - or was it a farmhouse? - and she closed the door, leaving him alone outside.