In the earlier stories about Aulden Schlief, he'd fallen from such a height that he landed inside his own head. He was so deep inside his own head that he was lost and he experienced several adventures finding his way out. He also met a variety of people inside his own head, each having a specific function in his life.

After Aulden found his way out of the maze of his own head he was able to enter and leave to visit any of his new friends at any time. His favorite leisure activity was to sit in the Church at the Center of Consciousness and watch images forming in the mist.

If you read about this place in his earlier stories, you'll remember that in the middle of the Church at the Center of Consciousness there was a mist where images of the future appear. Aulden could choose any day and images of things happening on that day would rise up out of the mist. This required time and concentration, but Aulden enjoyed sitting and watching because it felt to him like being in a movie theater.

He was sitting with eight of his friends - some who I'll describe later - and they were watching the images of December 25 of that year, a date still nine months away at the time. The person sitting beside him was the woman named Goalpost, which is an odd name but that's her name - Goalpost. She was a teacher, and she was there to show Aulden how to understand images, like the images that appear in dreams - or images in the mist in this church.

Now we've reached the beginning of the story, where we find Aulden watching the images of Christmas. They saw a big tree and they saw Christmas cards, and then they saw something disturbing: a mushroom cloud, like the explosion of a nuclear bomb. Aulden sat motionless, trying to learn more, not allowing himself to end his meditation. A voice spoke in the tone of Aulden's own voice came from the mist. As if starting in the middle of a sentence, it said, "…and the safety of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is on me."


The next day, Aulden was delivering mail - I should mention that Aulden was a letter carrier for the Postal Service. He'd watched the images for this day in the mist just a month earlier. So, while he delivered mail he watched for those things to appear: a large bird (he saw an eagle flying overhead); a voice saying "talk to Chrissy" (he handed a large parcel to a mail customer who introduced herself as Chrissy and they had a conversation about rock collecting); an ornately carved wooden bench (a family was moving a similar wooden bench into their house when he delivered their mail). The images were appearing as he'd seen them in the mist.

This didn't please him. The confirmation that he'd accurately encountered images of the future made him worry all the more, because he was still thinking about the mushroom cloud and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Aulden was so concerned about the meaning of that image, that after work he went to a business where he'd delivered mail earlier. The business had a sign over the door: "Psychic Reader."

He approached the door and stepped away, paced the sidewalk and returned. The psychic could see him through the window, and to help him through his timidity she came outside and invited him in.

They sat at a table. She explained her rates for various services: palm reading, one palm or two palms; tarot readings, thirty minutes or one hour. He chose the cheapest option and used it as an opening to ask what she would do - what he could do if he thought he had a message for someone, a precognitive message. She encouraged him to keep it to himself, because people won't listen. She continued with her reading. Her method seemed rehearsed, programmed. He felt disappointed.

That evening, when he sat with the eight who'd been with him at the Church at the Center of Consciousness, he told them, "I went to see a psychic today." One of the nine said loudly, "We know!" and the entire group laughed - a hearty, fall-off-your-chair laugh. They howled at the idea that Aulden went to a storefront psychic. Embarrassed, he never spoke of it to them again.

They sat and watched images for January 1: a man playing a piano, a large woman wearing an apron, and a voice saying, "There were also a lot of French fries in there."

The session ended - as if the movie ended, without any credits rolling - and Aulden asked the group, "Who will travel with me to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?"

Before anyone responded, he turned to Blessing who was one of the eight. If you're not familiar with Aulden's earlier stories, Blessing is a goddess who gives Aulden glimpses of destiny. Aulden asked her, "What can you tell me about the mushroom cloud and December 25?" She answered, "You'll be alright." He asked, "But they - will they be alright?" He saw a flash of light from the east. She said to him, "Make your journey quickly."

There was another person there who Aulden hoped could give more information. He asked, "Goalpost, what does the mushroom cloud image mean?" She answered, "It's a projection; something you'll see in Cleveland." Aulden didn't understand, and asked, "What will I see in Cleveland?" Goalpost sang an old song by The Pretenders to him, "I went back to Ohio, but my city was gone."
He interrupted, "Will it really be gone?"

She led Aulden to a window and said, "Look." The city certainly was gone, as if destroyed by a powerful explosion. Aulden asked, "But is this something metaphorical, about something in me, or is it real?"

Goalpost answered, "Both!"

He was feeling a sense of panic, concern and maybe responsibility to do something, and he turned to Blessing because she could give him a glimpse of this future. He asked, "Blessing, how many cities?" She answered with indifference, "Four or five." He asked, "What can I do?"

To this Blessing answered, "Take your journey."

Aulden called to the group, "Who will go with me?"

Poseidon, the big, robust fellow, answered, "I'll go!" Aulden knew that Poseidon would come; Poseidon who, when they first met, declared, "I rule the waters of the unconscious." Even though the two of them were opposites - Aulden being more introverted and intuitive, and Poseidon being a gregarious person who relies only on his senses and reaches for life in the style of an extrovert - they were inseparable.

The Wind of course stepped up, saying, "I'm always with you," as of course he was, being both Aulden's primary guide and the counselor who helps Aulden think clearly.

Janice, said, "I'll go," and while she brings the feminine element to the quaternity this is not to stereotype women as more attuned to feelings and yet she was that.

The four of them were ready for yet another journey. Aulden asked Goalpost, the teacher who was instructing him about how to understand the meanings of images, "What about you, Goalpost?" She answered, "I'll stay here." He wanted her along and said, "What if I need an image interpreted?" She told him, "I've already shown you how." Her instruction mainly involved one word: "look."

Then Aulden asked the goddess, "What about you, Blessing?" She simply responded, "You can do this." He replied, with a sense of destiny, "I can save the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame."

The four travelers left the octagonal church and boarded the bus. Without being told where to take them, the Bus Driver engaged the transmission and announced, "Next stop: Rock and Roll Hall of Fame."

The bus arrived in front of a white building, rectangular with a round dome roof. White stone steps covered the full length of the front leading to the large entrance doors. The Bus Driver announced, "Rock and Roll Hall of Fame."

Aulden was aware that this imaginal Hall of Fame was different than the actual Hall of Fame in Cleveland, and that his imagined Hall was a metaphor involving an internal process. He was also aware that the internal process was sometimes echoed by an external, synchronistic occurrence, and that was the problem.

May 4, Morning

Aulden and his companions entered the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. They stood in a large rectangular room and faced a long hallway, the walls or the room and the hallway were lined with framed portraits. He turned and looked at the wall above the entrance, and saw a large painting of a seated woman wearing black.

While gazing at the painting he asked Janice, "Who is she?" Janice answered, "Mother Theresa."

Poseidon was already examining other portraits. Aulden joined him and viewed them one by one: John Lennon, Paul McCartney, Roy Orbison, Mama Cass, Janis Joplin, Ray Bolger. Aulden stopped there, and whispered, "Ray Bolger? What's he doing here?"

The building was mausoleum-silent. The four travelers felt a holiness here and maintained the silence until Aulden called out, "Hello? Anyone?"

A door opened and a fellow poked his face out into the hallway - a clown face with white makeup and a red nose. Aulden was a bit startled. From the doorway, a woman in a wheelchair appeared. She was wearing a plaid skirt and her lower legs appeared atrophied. The clown was pushing the wheelchair.

May 4, Noon

She introduced herself, "My name is Patsy."

Aulden looked at the clown, and asked, "What's your name?" The clown opened his mouth and struggled to speak, and after a moment of gaping open-mouth, he finally intoned, "Org." Aulden repeated his name, "Org?"

Patsy explained, "He doesn't talk much."

The clown in agreement nodded, and repeated his one word, "Org."

Aulden explained their reason for being there, that he'd had a vision of an explosion happening on Christmas of that year, and he'd heard a voice that said, "…and the safety of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is on me." He concluded, "We came here to protect this place, but I'm not sure how."

Patsy told him, "You could start by cleaning it up." Aulden responded, "Could I ask you some questions first?" She agreed, and Aulden asked, "What's your job here?" She said, "I'm the manager of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame," but she added, "You want to ask about my legs, don't you? I lost the use of them because I didn't use them enough."

Aulden asked, "Is there something I can do for you?"

She repeated, "Clean this place."

He asked the last of his usual four questions, "What do you have for me?" She answered, "You want to know, don't you, what will happen on Christmas? I can tell you after you clean."

During the day, in his material life, Aulden was finding things that people had lost. He found a nice pair of prescription glasses. He took the glasses to the local newspaper for their lost and found classified ads. He found a credit card in a shopping cart and he gave it to a store clerk.

He began to suspect that these findings were the result of spending time with Patsy and that she was the archetypal figure who is the "finder of lost things."

After his suspicions of her began, Aulden found a purse in the street as he was delivering mail. Inside the purse he saw a driver's license, credit cards, and even the social security cards of a woman and her children. The address on the license was from a distant city. Although Aulden wasn't in the proper meditative state, he spoke to Patsy. He said, "How am I going to find the owner of this purse?" Patsy answered, with a voice inside Aulden's head, saying "I'll bring her to you."

By now twenty minutes had passed since he found the purse. The woman could be anywhere in this tourist town. But Aulden continued delivering mail, watching for a woman who resembled the face in the driver's license photo. Two blocks from that point when Patsy spoke, Aulden saw the woman. He stopped his mail truck, got out, and said to her, "I have your purse." The woman screamed and began to cry, and she took her purse and hugged Aulden.

Janice vacuumed. The Wind and Poseidon dusted. Aulden cleaned the glass on the framed portraits. As Aulden cleaned, he could hear the music of the person whose portrait he was seeing: "Willie Nelson - I don't think he's supposed to be here. Harry Nielson; Ozzie and Harriet Nelson - did they have a song?" The Wind replied, "Everyone has a song."

Aulden asked him, "What's my song? Is that the point of this?" The Wind answered, "Keep cleaning."

When Aulden thought they were finished, he asked Patsy, "Did we miss anything?" She said, "Clean the chandelier." The four companions found a ladder in a closet and Aulden climbed up to dust the chandelier. Afterward, they sat with Patsy.

May 7, Night

Aulden said to Patsy, "We did the cleaning, even on a ladder - dusted the light above. Please tell me about December 25. I need to know what to do."

Patsy pointed to a map - a map which appeared out of nowhere. She moved her hand like a meteorologist, directing Aulden's attention to the East Coast of the United States. Easter lilies appeared over four cities: New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore and Washington. The image of an angel appeared over Cleveland.

Aulden kept his eyes on the map and asked, "What should I do?" Patsy placed the palm of her hand on Aulden's chest and said, "Here. Keep working on here."

Aulden frequently repeated questions when he met a new figure in the depths of his own head. Even though the answer was usually the same, the rephrasing of the answer could give him clarification. Aulden asked, "What is your function in my life, Patsy?" She answered, "I make the wheels turn in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame."

Aulden asked, "What is the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? What's its function?"

Patsy laughed, and answered, "Don't you know? It's to make you famous!" She then changed the tone of her voice to a low, mock serious attitude, "And it's to make your voice real big." Her answer disturbed him, and he didn't think he was clear about what she meant by "famous."

Aulden thought she was teasing him. "What does this have to do with those cities blowing up?"

She told him, "I didn't say they'd blow up. You'll go there."

Aulden was skeptical of that, since his job kept him close to home, and he replied, "That doesn't seem possible." But she countered, "Just wait."

Puzzled by this line of talk, Aulden changed the topic and asked, "What can I do for your legs, Patsy?"

She placed her hand over his heart and said, "You already know."

Trying to keep the answers coming, Aulden asked, "What about finding lost things? What's that about?"

She answered concisely, "Keeping your eyes open."

"Please explain," Aulden pleaded, "How does this all tie together: finding lost objects, saving the Hall of Fame, the cities, Org's voice, your legs. What is this all about?"

She answered, "Find Org's voice and you'll know."

Aulden asked, "Will you come with me?"

She excused herself, "I have to stay here. It's not wheelchair accessible."

Aulden suggested, "May Org come with me?" Org backed away from them when Aulden said that. Apparently, Org had to stay with Patsy. Aulden asked, "Where do we go first to find Org's voice?" "Ask your Bus Driver," Patsy answered, "He'll know."

While riding the bus, Aulden thought about the finder of lost things, and Org's lost voice and the idea of fame. Aulden considered how fame is "to be known," and Aulden's voice - "a real big voice" - is not his but is for others to be enabled to hear. Fame is "to be known" or it's "how others know you," aside from the Hollywood definition.

The Bus Driver took them past a church that Aulden attended when he was young and where he felt intimidated by the elders and authority figures. The Bus Driver went past a nightclub where Aulden worked as a performer and where he was an opening act for other players who had more dominant personalities. The Bus Driver took him to the apartment of the Other-Other, the woman who he was so afraid of displeasing. He remembered how, while he was with her, he'd lost the sense of himself - his own voice. The church, the nightclub and the woman: His voice couldn't have been very strong if these were enough to make him lose it. He was distracted by these thoughts, for a moment.

Aulden stepped forward, along the aisle, and said to the Bus Driver, "Hey! We're not looking for my voice. We're looking for Org's voice!"

The Bus Driver answered, "Oh! Of course!" He drove along a freeway until they reached an off ramp and followed an arterial to a grassy field being used for a parking area. Nearby was a circus tent. Aulden and his three companions purchased tickets and went to the circus.

May 11

The guy in the ticket booth overcharged Aulden by one dollar. This was so annoying to Aulden that he returned to the ticket booth and demanded his dollar back. After getting the refund, Aulden asked if the ticket seller could tell him where they could find Org the Clown's voice. The ticket guy said, "For a dollar I will." Aulden left him.

Inside the tent, Poseidon, Janice and The Wind were sitting in the front bleacher-seats. There were salespeople with popcorn, peanuts, cotton candy and hotdogs.

Aulden noticed something unusual: The center ring of the circus was filled with water. The Ringmaster entered the tent and began the show by ushering in a ferocious lion. With a whip in one hand and a pistol in the other, the Ringleader did a lion-taming act. After his performance he approached Aulden.

Aulden introduced himself, "I'm Aulden Schlief. What's your name?" The fellow answered, "I'm the Ringmaster."

The questioning began: Aulden asked, "What's with the gun?" The Ringmaster said, "I'm a lion tamer."

"Do you know Org the clown?" Aulden asked him. The Ringmaster confirmed, "Yes, I know him."

Aulden said, "We're looking for his voice. Do you know where it is?" The Ringmaster told him, "If I do, I'm not going to tell you."

"I was afraid you'd say that," Aulden answered, and countered, "Is there some way we could negotiate? Is there something you want from us?"

The Ringmaster was amused and sat between Aulden and Janice, saying, "Now what would you have that I want, bullets for my gun?"

Aulden told him, "I think you have enough bullets already. What else do would you want?" The Ringmaster simply responded, "Hmm."

Aulden, looking for a solution, said, "Let's talk to the lion. You hid Org's voice in the lion's throat, didn't you?"

The Ringmaster answered, "You knew!" and Aulden asked, "Why would you do that?

"I wanted him to shut up!" the Ringmaster shouted.

Aulden took a moment to examine the situation. He'd met a new quaternity of archetypal figures: Patsy, Org the Clown, the Ringmaster, and the Lion. The Ringmaster hid Org's voice in the Lion's throat. "Just a minute, Ringmaster," Aulden excused himself, "I'll be right back."

He went to the Lion and said, "Lion, how did you get the clown's voice stuck in your throat?" The Lion answered, "I don't know. I don't want it there!" Aulden asked, "May I have it?" "Sure!" the Lion told him, and he coughed it up like a cat coughing up a hairball. Org's voice came out in the form of a large scroll.

Aulden wanted to understand these figures and the scenario. He asked, "Ringmaster, what's your function in my life?" The Ringmaster pointed to the center ring, and said, "Look at this wholeness."

"So what?" Aulden asked, "What does that have to do with anything?"

The Ringmaster answered, "Be silent and listen to the wholeness."

Aulden thought for a moment, and said, "That's a lot more meaningful than saying you want Org to shut up. Tell me more."

The Ringmaster instructed, "This is where you can be the Clown. This is where you can be the Lion - in this ring. But you need to know how to listen."


May 12

Aulden asked the Ringmaster and the Lion to come with them to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame so that they could talk with Patsy and Org. He wanted the four of them to come to terms with each other.

He asked the Ringmaster, "Am I right, that you show me when to speak as the lion and when to speak as the clown, and that it must be within the circle of the… the Self, or the Tao, or the Center Ring?" The Ringmaster answered, "I already told you."

The bus took them all back to the Rock and Roll hall of Fame. As they rode, along the way, Aulden asked again, "Ringmaster, what is your function?" The Ringmaster answered, this time, "To show you when to be quiet and listen."

Aulden asked, "Lion, what is your function?" The Lion answered, "To show you when to roar." Aulden asked, "Only 'when'? What about 'how'?" The Lion responded, "The voice of the lion in you."

The bus came to a stop in front of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

May 13

Aulden entered the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame with the Ringmaster, the Lion, Poseidon, Janice and The Wind. Patsy and Org were waiting for them, and Aulden introduced them. He explained the functions of the Ringmaster and the Lion to Patsy, and Patsy responded, "Yes, I know that."

Then Aulden knelt by her wheelchair and said, "But what's your function?" She answered, "To manage your fame."

This answer made much more sense to Aulden than "I manage the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame." She managed how Aulden is known - by the words that the other three speak, or don't speak.

Org saw the scroll in Aulden's hands and he said, "You found my voice." Aulden was surprised that Org spoke without having to swallow the scroll, and he handed the object to the clown. Org smiled in a friendly manner while taking it.

The clown makeup had disappeared, and Aulden was fascinated by Org's similarity in appearance to an old movie comedian, Ed Wynn. He studied the face more closely. Aulden recalled seeing the Ed Wynn image one other time, in Clarence's novelty store long ago in the City of Joy. Aulden felt as if here was a chance to learn something - anything - about happiness.

Aulden asked the clown, "Tell me, Org, how do you stay happy?" Org answered, "I'm not happy. I just am." Aulden asked, "Are you unhappy?" Org said, "You see, I'm not unhappy. I am me."

Aulden asked, "How do you find humor?" The clown told him, "Oh, I don't find it. Others find humor in me." Aulden had a wish: to be able to smile again, as someone pleased with life, and so he asked, "How can I smile?" Org told him, "Be kind. A smile is an act of kindness."

The advice seemed challenging and saddening, and Aulden said to himself, "This is… seems… unreachable." Org encouraged him, saying, "It's okay. It's hard at first. You'll get it."

Aulden said to Org, "I was hoping it would rub off if I hung out with you." Org responded, "Oh! That would be nice. I don't know if it's that easy."

With this information, Aulden concluded, "Okay, just be me and be kind by smiling." Org agreed, "Uh huh."

Aulden looked at his four new friends, the new quaternity, and asked, "Do you four feel… Do you all… Are you able to work together now?"

The Ringmaster said, "If it's in harmony with the Ring."

Patsy answered, "If we all just do our own jobs."

Aulden said to the Lion, "Lately I've been reading about the Skeptics of ancient Greece. They believed no stance is infallible. I like that because I can stop fearing authority figures and stop cowering before powerful personalities."

The Lion added, "And use my voice to roar at them!"

Org added, "That's where I come in, to smile at them."

Aulden whispered, "Okay."

Reviewing the functions of his four new friends, Aulden wrote a summary. "The Ringmaster tells me when not to speak (when the words are 'not in the Ring'), and tames the lion (an instinct to talk?). The Lion shows when and how to do the lion roar (for serious conversation?). Org the Clown allows others to find humor in me. Org also encourages me to use a smile to show kindness. Org said not to focus on being happy or sad, but instead to 'be me.' Patsy manages my fame, which means she manages how I am known and perceived. I am known by my voice."

May 14

Aulden felt that he'd learned what he needed to know, and that it was time to help Patsy. He asked, "Patsy, what can we do for your legs?"

She answered, "Go down go Cripple Creek."

"Cripple Creek?" Aulden said, "That's a funny name. Did I just make that up in my head?"

"You have a good imagination," she told him, "Go to the creek."

Aulden asked, "What do I do there?"

She said, "Bring me back some water."

"How do I get there?"

"The Bus Driver will take you."

After she said that, the Ringmaster gave him two, large Mason jars.

Once again Aulden left the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Patsy, Org, the Lion and the Ringmaster stayed there and waited for his return. Janice, Poseidon and the Wind went with him to the bus for the trip to Cripple Creek.

Aulden sat beside Janice and said the Bus Driver, admiringly, "You always know where to take us." As Aulden spoke, the Bus came to a stop, and the Bus Driver said, "We're here," and opened the door.

Aulden looked through the window, and said, "Swauk Creek." The Swauk is a creek in the Cascade Mountains of Washington State. When Aulden was young, his father took him there. It was the site of a gold rush in the 1890s. The Bus Driver responded, "No, it's Cripple Creek."

Aulden continued to gaze through the window, reluctant to leave the bus. He entertained childhood memories of being there with his father, playing at gold panning. He dreaded the simplicity of the next step, and said, "All we have to do is fill these jars with water and get out of here, right?" and he laughed, because he knew they would be waylaid by some paradoxical encounter.

May 15

They went to the creek and filled the jars. As Aulden dipped the second jar into the water, he saw a man with a skull face lying under the surface. The man sat up, stood and began moving in a strange dance.

Aulden watched, fascinated, and spoke aside to the Wind, "Is this thing part of some important paradoxical puzzle, or is it just a distraction?" (A distraction is a species of creature in this place, intent on distracting Aulden from any opportunity to learn.) The Wind said, "Watch." The thing twitched and convulsed so erratically, Aulden asked The Wind, "Am I erratic like that?" The Wind said, "Not that much."

They watched, and Aulden noted, "He doesn't say much." Janice laughed at that, and then Aulden laughed as well, and called out, "Is anyone else here?" The skull-faced thing noticed Aulden's call, and then returned to the water where it again reclined and submerged.

The earth began to rumble. A steep slope was on the opposite side of the creek, and something on the other side of the slope had heard Aulden's call. A giant raised its head above the slope, and then stepped over the top and sat next to the Creek, crossing his legs and settling into a lotus position. His big belly was as wide as a city block.

Surprised as he was at the appearance of the giant, what Aulden saw next surprised him even more. Windows were on the giant's belly, and large doors. Looking more closely, Aulden could see that inside was an upscale hotel and restaurant.

May 12

Aulden and his companions entered the hotel lobby and approached the reception desk. He asked the clerk, "What is this place?" The clerk answered, "The belly of the whale," but he corrected himself, "The belly of the giant. I'm the Caretaker."

Aulden asked, "Why am I here?" The Caretaker answered, "I don't know, to have dinner?" So, Aulden went to the restaurant. A hostess asked, "Table for four?" They were guided to a table and the hostess informed them, "The special tonight is pot roast."

They ordered, ate and paid. All the while that they were there, Aulden felt discouraged and alone. Thoughts about lost relationships ran through his mind. They waited for the lesson they needed to learn in this place; waited for the paradox. Eventually, Aulden concluded that the lesson was simply that being in the belly of the giant is discouraging and that they needed to leave this place. If there was more to learn than that, Aulden decided to learn it some other time.

May 17

The group returned to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Patsy explained that after they bathed her legs with the water from Cripple Creek she would be healed and able to walk again. She said, "And then I will manage your career, your words, your fame."

Aulden and Janice took the two jars and washed Patsy's legs as she sat in her wheelchair. They first washed he feet and calves, and moved up to her thighs, pushing her skirt up to her hips.

Patsy, with her hands on Aulden's and Janice's shoulders, then stood. Because her legs were atrophied, she was shaking and had difficulty finding her balance, and she said to Aulden, "I'll get stronger now, as you get stronger."

Aulden frequently returns to the warning from the Yoga Sutras, not to listen when the invisible beings try to flatter. He could easily be flattered by thinking he has a "lion's voice." But he's a human being, and not a lion. The lion's voice is a metaphor of instinct and serious conversation. Aulden could be flattered into thinking that Patsy could bring him fame in the Hollywood sense, but with flattery put aside fame has a meaning of "how you are known" - of reputation. Aulden reminded himself about the problem of flattery again after Patsy said that she would get stronger as he gets stronger, although he is glad that she's now able to walk.

May 5

Aulden asked, "Patsy, what can you tell me about the explosions on December 25?" She showed him a ribbon being cut. Aulden saw images of radios, and Patsy said, "Hidden in radios in the morning."

Aulden said, "Patsy… everyone, I need to know if the explosion on December 25 is only in me - about my own life - or will it happen to others in other cities: Cleveland, Baltimore, New York, Philadelphia. Tell me what I need to know."

He felt compelled to think about these cities. Maybe it was the training he'd been receiving from Goalpost that made him look at them. He considered, "Philadelphia, Independence Hall; New York, Statue of Liberty. Baltimore? What do I know about Baltimore?"

Patsy answered, "You know that George Washington Lived there." He responded, "Did he? I'm not sure. And so?"

Patsy said, "Cherry tree? Honesty?" Patsy wasn't the archetypal figure for this sort of thing, apparently, because the cherry tree story happened in Mount Vernon, and not Baltimore.

Aulden considered, "Honesty, liberty, independence. Are these metaphors or targets? You won't tell me! You've got to tell me!"

Patsy said, "What for? Who would listen?"

Aulden responded, "Let's worry about that later. Tell me now." Patsy answered, "Later."

Aulden ended his meditation at that point. When he returned he said to Patsy, "You were wrong about George Washington's home. It's in Virginia." She said, "I didn't know. I only know what you know."

Aulden took this to mean that she only knew about things inside him, and he asked, "Then there's not going to be a terrorist attack?" She assured him, "No, I told you already. I only know what you know."

Aulden still felt uncertain, and asked, "What about my fame?" She answered, "Yes, that's my job."

He felt uncertain, and considered that many things were unresolved, but he said to himself, "I saved the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame… metaphorically speaking."

On the morning of May 20, Aulden was looking for a pay stub. He needed this particular pay stub so that the Postal Service, his employer, could make a correction to his paycheck. He searched in all the likely places where he would leave it: stacks of paper on his desk and on the nightstand beside his bed; under his desk; under his bed; trash containers in his kitchen, office and bathroom. He couldn't find it. After twenty minutes of frustration, he remembered that Patsy is the finder of lost things. He said, "Patsy, please help me find this pay stub." As he spoke, he gazed at a shelf directly in front of his face. There, on the shelf, was the pay stub.

He sat then and asked a question, "Patsy, you're the finder of lost things, but you also manage my fame (which Aulden thought to mean, simply, how he is known to others). How are those two functions alike?" Patsy laughed, and said, "Oh! You lost yourself and now we're going to find you back, and you'll be known."

The journey was complete, and Aulden returned to the Church at the Center of Consciousness to watch the images appearing. The group there had a
list of the days they'd chosen to watch. The next day that was on the list was a day that Aulden chose. It was the birthday of the "Other-Other," which is how they referred to the woman he'd been in love with but hadn't seen in many months. Aulden's ex-wife was simply "the Other."

Aulden contemplated how his time during meditation with the archetypal figure of finding lost things seemed to result in finding lost things during the day. The idea that struck him was, if he could spend time with the archetypal figure of luck then maybe he would encounter luck during the day - and he would purchase lottery tickets to accommodate that.

His companions at the Center were seated and waiting for him to set the machine. He spoke the date - the birthday of the Other-Other. He turned the knob and pulled the handle, and the display lit up with the date. Janice called to him, "The mist is rising! Come on!"

Aulden sat between King Skandi and Goalpost. The King said to Aulden, "Why did you choose this day?" Aulden wouldn't answer other than to say, "I don't know." The King said, "You still have feelings for her." Aulden pointed out, "I chose this day and put it on the list a long time ago. I don't feel the same now." "Then why are we watching this day?" the King pressed him.

Aulden turned to Goalpost who knows the meanings of images, and asked her about Independence Hall and the Statue of Liberty, and all the images he'd seen when he was concerned about terrorist explosions. Goalpost assured him that the images were about his marriage - the end of his marriage - and not about terrorist attacks.

They sat peacefully watching for images to appear in the mist. Aulden felt restless, and he said to King Skandi, "I feel as if the archetype of luck wants to see me."

King Skandi said, "Ask him. Ask him to join us." Aulden asked, "Luck, please join us now. I want to meet you. You can watch the mist with us."

Luck came in through the main door and summersaulted down the isle, full of merry energy. He wore a jester costume with bird-wing arms and a bird-beak mask. He stood before them, arms spread wide, and he bowed.

Aulden explained why he wanted to spend time with this archetypal figure - explained this to luck. The archetypal figure said, "Let's take a walk." Everyone stood to join them, and Poseidon asked, "Where are we going, Luck?" Luck answered, "Please, call me Mr. Lucky."

Stairs appeared and they walked up the staircase which curved, inverted, in a "C" shape until they passed through the ceiling of the Church and into a room where, upside down, they walked on the ceiling of a hallway. Naturally, they soon felt as if the ceiling was a floor and their perspective shifted.

As they walked, Aulden asked, "What is your function in my life?" Mr. Lucky said, "To bring you luck." Aulden asked, "What do you have for me?" Mr. Lucky smiled, amused, and said, "Luck."

Why do I feel reluctant to ask for luck, such as winning the lottery, as if I should count my blessings and just consider how I'm already lucky in many ways? I don't take that attitude with other things, such as finding my voice - as if I should say, "I should be happy with what little voice I already have." When it comes to learning to know myself, I have an eager bring-it-on attitude. But with luck I am more inclined to feel undeserving.

Mr. Lucky suggested, "Should we sit?" Aulden asked, "Or keep walking?" Mr. Lucky confirmed, "No, we should sit."

Mr. Lucky removed his mask. He had a somewhat large and crooked nose, and black, wiry hair with a receding hairline. He had a pleasant demeanor and smiled constantly.

Aulden saw something else in the shadows, as well, and he said to Mr. Lucky, "I thought I saw a dinosaur a moment ago." Mr. Lucky replied, "Maybe you did. What do you see now?" Aulden looked around and said, "Stars up above us, but I don't know if they come from you. I'm expecting a paradox." These encounters always involved some kind of paradoxical puzzle.

Mr. Lucky said, "Okay, then let's wait." They waited. Mr. Lucky did some cartwheels and summersaults, and said, "I'm not very good at waiting."

After a long while in meditation, a dinosaur - a tyrannosaurus rex - came into the room. It chased Mr. Lucky, or perhaps it was only following him. Mr. Lucky said with unlikely calm, "Save me from this dinosaur." Aulden approached the dinosaur, and since it seemed friendly, Aulden walked away and it followed him as if it was a pet.

Aulden wondered whether the dinosaur was only a distraction, so he asked The Wind. The Wind considered how friendly the dinosaur was behaving, and said, "I think it's part of the paradox."

Aulden watched, listened, waited. Mr. Lucky repeated, "Save me from this dinosaur." Aulden replied, "He doesn't seem to pose a threat." Mr. Lucky asked, "Why aren't you afraid?" Aulden asked him, "Do I need to feel something?" To that Mr. Lucky asked, "What do you feel?" Aulden confessed, "I feel perplexed, confused… Goalpost! What does this dinosaur mean? What is the image of a dinosaur?"

Goalpost answered, "Big primitive feelings."

Aulden asked, "Feelings or instincts?"

She responded, "Very good!" confirming that the dinosaur was big, primitive instincts.

Aulden turned to Mr. Lucky and said, "Mr. Lucky, does this mean your counterpart - your partner - is a big, primitive instinct?"

Mr. Lucky said to Aulden, "Now let's talk." He sat on the floor and the dinosaur sat beside him, putting its big head on Mr. Lucky's lap.

That night, Aulden had a disturbing dream. He was on a city sidewalk and could see, through the window of a second-story apartment above, the Other-Other brushing her hair. As she brushed her hair, she turned her head and saw him watching her. Aulden moved out of her sight line so that she could only see his feet and lower legs, not wanting her to see his face.

When Aulden woke, he thought for a long while about this dream. He wondered whether he'd opened a door for her to enter his psyche when he set the machine to her birthday. He'd left the mist in the Center of Consciousness still presenting images of that day. He hadn't seen the Other-Other in so many months, he felt certain that the woman in the dream wasn't really her, but that this image was an archetypal figure who looked like the Other-Other because something about the two of them were alike. If they weren't alike, at least there was something about the Other-Other that ignited Aulden's unconscious relationship with this archetype. Does this make sense? These were Aulden's thoughts as he puzzled over the dream.

After spending the day running these thoughts through his mind, he asked the expert, Goalpost, "Surely the Other-Other has no interest in me anymore, so it can't really be her. So who is this woman in the dream who I saw through the window?"

Goalpost answered concisely, "She's Rapunzel."

Aulden said, "That bears contemplation." Then he turned his attention back to his new companion, "Okay, Mr. Lucky, you said let's talk after I saw that the dinosaur is big, primitive instinct." (In case you've noticed that I never say "represents" primitive instinct, or "represents" Rapunzel, because these archetypal figures never "represent" anything. They are who they are.)

Mr. Lucky was watching Goalpost, and said, "Hard act to follow - that Rapunzel."

Aulden assured him, "Don't worry, I'm with you."

Mr. Lucky said this about the dinosaur, "They have one thing in mind all the time: eat!"

Aulden said, "I was going to ask, instinct for what?"

Mr. Lucky explained, "To be satisfied: food, sex - their god is the belly."

Aulden asked, "How does that relate to you and luck? Maybe I should turn my back on you if satisfaction is the main thing."

Mr. Lucky answered, "What's wrong with satisfaction?"

"It doesn't sound very spiritual," Aulden observed.

Mr. Lucky corrected him, "No, no! You misunderstand!" But Aulden interrupted, "Tell me about you and instinct - you and the dinosaur."

Mr. Lucky explained, "You see, all this… when does luck relate to anything but instinct - things perceived by the senses? Therefore, the five senses love luck."

Aulden broke in, "But we have anxieties - worries about money and love…"

"Coming from the senses, or relating to them," Mr. Lucky continued.

Aulden asked, "Doesn't that make you very non-spiritual?"

Mr. Lucky disagreed, "On the contrary, I'm the spiritual place to which the five senses turn."

Aulden wanted a summarized explanation, "Well then, what is luck?"

Mr. Lucky assigned, "Read again that book about chance." He was referring to Marie-Louise von Franz's book, "On Divination and Synchronicity."

Aulden had a vision, suddenly, of a pet dog from his youth. This dog almost drowned once in a ditch because he was fighting to swim upstream instead of floating downstream where he could climb out of the water. Two other archetypal figures, Sonny and King Skandi, watched this vision with Aulden and they said that it advises, "Don't fight the current."

Aulden then asked Mr. Lucky, "Why did you say 'save me from this dinosaur'? Were you joking?" Mr. Lucky responded, "I never joke." Aulden pressed, "Why then?"

Mr. Lucky told him, "I should be in charge of him. Not him in charge of me."

Aulden thought about this, and asked, "Is instinct the same as reaction?"

Mr. Lucky added, "And response, impulse, reflex."

Aulden asked, "And you want to be in charge of that?"

Mr. Lucky said, "The way you feel about those reactions. Are you sad, discouraged, happy, encouraged? Does it hurt to touch, see, hear, smell, taste? Or is the sensation new and exciting; pleasant?"

"You want to be in charge of that?" Aulden asked again.

Mr. Lucky said, "Instead of the primitive beast here telling me it's frightful."

Aulden summarized, "And that's the road to good fortune?"

Mr. Lucky told him, "This has been a good lesson for you."

But Aulden joked, "I just wanted to win the lottery."

"We'll see," laughed Mr. Lucky.

Aulden contemplated, "Good fortune. Is fortune synonymous with luck and chance? We never scorn the phrase 'seeking my fortune' synonymous with 'my future.' Luck, chance, fortune, future…"

Aulden felt different than before; he felt melancholy, but not as much pain; curious and still with desire but not the sense of loss he'd been carrying. He asked, Mr. Lucky, what else do you want to share before we part?"

The dinosaur suddenly spoke, "I want to say something." Aulden was surprised, "You do?" It sat up and roared, and said, "Don't repress me! Let me live!"

Aulden remembered a discussion long ago about repressing the libido, and said to Poseidon, "Haven't we been through this before?"

Once upon a time a beautiful Princess was brushing her hair in the window of her second story apartment and a handsome Prince noticed her from the sidewalk below. Being intrigued, he sought information about the Princess. Soon he learned that her name was Rapunzel and that she generally behaved like a princess, but she was often like a wicked sorceress.

The Prince called up to her, he shouted, "Rapunzel, I want to meet you. Come downstairs and unlock the door to the lobby." Rapunzel thought he looked interesting, so she said, "I don't want to bother going downstairs but I'll let my hair down and you can climb up here."

The Prince climbed up Rapunzel's hair and they made passionate love. Afterward the wicked sorceress side of Rapunzel took over and she said, "I feel like you were only using me and you don't care about me at all." The Prince said, "What's wrong, I made you climax didn't I?" This only made Rapunzel more furious, and she said, "Love is more than just … that."

This was a new idea to the Prince, so he had to stop talking and go away for a couple days to think about it. When he finally came back, he called up to the window, "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair." But Rapunzel responded, "When you were away the wicked sorceress side of my personality came out and I cut off all my hair so you couldn't climb up here." The Prince said, "Well, come downstairs and unlock the door to the lobby." Rapunzel answered, "Why do I have to do all the work in this relationship?"

So the Prince went away to Asia and entered a Buddhist monastery where he could try to make sense of his life. Rapunzel's hair grew back amazingly fast, and within a month a new handsome prince was below her window, calling, "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair."

Aulden asked, "What's your name, dinosaur?" The tyrannosaurus rex said to Mr. Lucky, "He wants to know my name," and Mr. Lucky told him, "Make something up." It then said to Aulden, "Dinosaur."

Aulden said to it, "Dinosaur, I'm going to sit and listen, and you can tell me what you want me to know."

Dinosaur answered, "Okay. Mr. Lucky wants to be in charge. How can he be in charge? I'm older than him."

Mr. Lucky shook his head and spoke toward the ceiling, "Not true."

Dinosaur insisted, "I am older than consciousness."

Aulden was trying to understand, and asked, "Is consciousness the same as luck and chance and… and is it instinct vs. consciousness?" Dinosaur responded, "You ask a lot." So Aulden, eager to hear Dinosaur's viewpoint asked, "Tell me what you think."

Dinosaur said, "I was here first, so consciousness responds to me. I don't respond to it."

Mr. Lucky countered, "That doesn't mean I'm not in charge. I choose how to respond."

Dinosaur pointed out, "I respond without thought."

Mr. Lucky retorted, "As instinct you do, but I can choose many things of consciousness other than impulse."

King Skandi stepped in at this point, and said, "These choices, matters of consciousness, are not luck. These are my domain." At that, Mr. Lucky bowed graciously, and perhaps disingenuously, to the King.

"But I'm still confused about luck and consciousness vs. instinct and libido," Aulden insisted.

King Skandi, aware that Aulden was reading a section of the Jennifer Michael Hecht book, Doubt: a History, said, "Read more of that book. Mr. Lucky agreed, "Yes! Read it!"

The section he'd been reading at the time included this quote: "There were two more major factors contributing to the heightened focus on belief: Jesus' magic is one. The other mostly comes along after Jesus, and that is the struggle to have enough belief to conquer one's sexual and material lusts. We will begin with Jesus and, later, the heresies. And Augustine will explain the problem of doubt and the taming of our inner beasts."

Augustine tried to tame his material lust inner beast, which somehow resembled "Dinosaur" to Aulden. However, Hecht's book also speaks in depth about various groups such as the Epicureans who "indulge" the beast rather than taming it.

(An observation made later, on June 18: The Lion is also a beast, and in terms of "taming the beast," the Ringmaster called himself a lion-tamer. Until now, I thought of instincts needing to be tamed as primarily sexual cravings. But the Ringmaster was taming the instinct to speak. I wonder if this relates to the dinosaur as well.)

Aulden said to them, "I still don't understand why you two are counterparts. Why does luck and primitive instinct… how do the two relate to each other?"

Mr. Lucky said, "Let's bring it to sex. If you get lucky, didn't primitive instinct take you there?"

Dinosaur interjected with an air of pride, "I did that!"

Aulden asked, "So luck involves following your instinct?"

Mr. Lucky affirmed, "Exactly!"

"Then why did you appear, Mr. Lucky?" Aulden challenged, "Why not just the dinosaur?"

Mr. Lucky explained, "Because I make sense of him. I bring him into the modern age."

"Why isn't that an Ego function for King Skandi?" Aulden tried to understand. King Skandi joined the conversation, "Some parts of instinct are my domain, but the luck factor even I can't figure."

Aulden mumbled, "Can't figure… factor… very mathematical."

A woman entered the room - more than entered, she became visible from out of nowhere. She had the stature of a goddess and she spoke to Aulden: "You see now, but you've overlooked the magic factor."

Aulden gazed at her and without hesitation, not allowing the surprise of her appearance to interrupt him, he asked, "Do you mean, the more I understand about them, the more I forget the magic?"

She answered, "Yes, the struggle." She kissed Dinosaur, saying, "Dino, sweetie." Then she placed the palm of her hand on Mr. Lucky's cheek, and in a seductive tone said, "Mr. Lucky."

Aulden, finding her both beautiful and frightening, gathered his courage and asked her, "What's your name?"

She told him, "Magic."

Aulden spoke cautiously, "I'm reluctant to ask you any questions. It feels like I shouldn't try to take away your mystery. But please just tell me one thing: Tell me what brought you. Tell me the message you have for me."

She took Aulden by the hand and they faced Dino and Mr. Lucky, and she said, "I'm here, too, with them. We're all married."

King Skandi added his voice here, as if he shouldn't be overlooked. He said, "And I'm King of them all."

Aulden felt as if the lesson was complete, and that he'd taken in as much as he could handle for now. He said to them, "I think I understand. We need to… need… well, we're going to go back now. Dinosaur, I'm glad we met. Free - you're free to eat anything you want to eat, but sometimes, you know, it's better to wait. Let's be happy with whatever choice we make."

Dinosaur asked, amused, "Are you teaching me now?"

Aulden said to Mr. Lucky, "You're my new friend. Mr. Lucky, good luck with Dino! Help me remember: Luck, chance, fortune, by working with instinct, reflex, impulse, response, reaction, all related to the five senses. Goodbye for now, Mr. Lucky."

Mr. Lucky assured him, "I'll be with you," and Aulden embraced him, saying, "I love you, and I want you in my life. I want to devote myself to caring for your big pet dinosaur."

Mr. Lucky said to Aulden, "You do understand, then."

To Magic, Aulden said, "I'm so glad we met. I'm glad you can stay a mystery to me, at least for now. Maybe some day we'll get closer."

Magic assured him, "We will. Keep walking down this path."

The group returned to the "C-curved" stairs, which reminded them that they'd been upside-down, and they returned to the Church at the Center of Consciousness, sitting in their usual places.

The journey was over, and they could go back to their hobby of watching the images appear in the mist. Aulden needed to remind himself, "What day was it we were watching? Oh… I remember."

Aulden said to King Skandi, "Your Majesty, I have no reason to watch the birthday of the Other-Other. I ask your permission to end this."

King Skandi answered, "Yes, by all means."

Aulden asked, "I wish to change the date to this coming Friday."

The King said, "Very well, wish granted."

June 18

The journey to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame seemed distant now that a month has passed. Aulden was delivering mail during the day when he saw something to confirm Org's words, "A smile is an act of kindness."

He was delivering a parcel to a house, and he noticed that the homeowner had taped a quote on her front door - a quote from Mother Teresa whose portrait is above the doors in Aulden's imaginal Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Aulden stared at the quote, puzzled, and asked himself, "Did I read this quote before I met Org? Did I forget that I read it and then… and then, did I remind myself by having Org say it there in front of Mother Teresa's picture?"

The quote read, "Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile."