Traveling through Joyville, they discussed the lack of joy and in fact the lack of people in this place. Across the street from where they stood was a shop with a sign: "Novelties and Books." Aulden was interested in the shop - interested in both novelties and books. He said, "Should we…?" Poseidon interrupted, "Of course we should!"

They gathered by the door - Aulden, Poseidon, Janice and The Wind - as if they were planning to raid the place. Aulden pushed the door open and a bell rang - a tinkley bell at the top of the doorframe. Aulden laughed, "Always a bell."

They peered into the shop and saw several stacks of cardboard boxes, a counter where customers could pay for their purchases, a wall filled with interesting novelty items behind the counter, and in the center of the room - sitting on a wooden barrel - a clown doll.

The four of them entered the shop and spread out, looking through every aisle and every corner. Aulden sidestepped to keep his distance from the clown, even though it was only a doll.

The shelves were stocked with novelty-shop merchandise: rubber chickens, dice and cards, and magic tricks in little plastic pouches. Janice stated the obvious, "There's nobody here."

Aulden spoke to the clown, "We came to Joyville because we're looking for joy and you are the personification of joy." He turned to The Wind, and added, "And also of fear. Maybe it's just a doll." He called out, "Is anyone here?"

The Clown sat up and spoke: "Gone for lunch." Aulden's response was immediate, "Really?"

The Clown answered, "Not really," and it collapsed again like a rag-doll.

Aulden said to Poseidon, "Keep an eye on it."

Poseidon assured him, "Oh, I will."

There was a large doorway into an adjoining shop - the bookstore. Aulden walked to the doorway and, as he did, Janice took his arm and went with him. They walked slowly along the shelves.

Janice asked, "Should we read the titles?"

Aulden replied, "You're asking me? Okay, The Joy of Sex."

Janice said, "Is that supposed to be funny? I'll read... Grapes of Wrath… Nuts. This one's called Nuts."

Aulden said, "Grapes and Nuts."

Janice wasn't amused, and said, "I'm not doing this anymore if you're not taking it seriously."

Poseidon called to them, "You like books. Your joy is in books."

Aulden called back, "It's still not very joyful." As he said that, Janice gripped his arm and said, "I think I saw the bookstore owner go by." Aulden had just a glimpse of her as she walked around a corner and down an aisle of bookcases. He spoke to her, "Excuse me… Excuse me, do you work here?"

The bookstore owner turned to face them. She was carrying books, had brunette hair with bangs that touched the top of her reading-glasses, and her belly was large. She was pregnant and obviously very near her due-date.

When Aulden saw her, he slowed the pace of his voice, and said, "We're looking for joy."

The woman asked, "Joy? Who was the author?"

Aulden said, "Not the book. I mean really - joy."

She answered, "This is a bookstore."

Something overwhelmed him, some deep feeling for this woman, and he reached out to her. She stepped back, and Aulden said, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm just so… I don't know… moved by your pregnancy."

The woman repeated herself, "Well, this is a bookstore."

Aulden asked, "Would you recommend a book for someone looking for joy?"

The pregnant woman answered, "Yes. Call of the Wild is nice."

Aulden questioned, "For joy?"

The pregnant woman confirmed, "Yes."

Then Janice said something that showed how much she knew, which seemed to be a lot, because she asked, "Is that a book about instinct?"

The pregnant woman smiled and said, "Instinct and joy." She suddenly looked at Aulden with great seriousness, and said, "Take off your shoes and prepare for all that is holy and read what's inside you."

Aulden was thrown off guard by that statement, and he glanced around at the shelves, and stupidly said, "That's good advice."

The woman pointed to the bookshelves and said, "Don't look here," and she put her hand on Aulden's chest and said, "Look here." Then she paused a moment and said, "But otherwise, we have lots of books."

Aulden gathered his senses and asked, "What's the name of the book in here?"

She told him, "You and Only You."

Aulden asked her, "Doesn't that sound selfish and narcissistic?"

The pregnant woman answered, "Oh, you can start with that book and then there are others."

Aulden began to ponder, "Why is this bookstore connected with a novelty store? Is that a paradox? It doesn't seem like a paradox." The pregnant bookstore owner asked, perhaps because of his thoughtful pause, "What else can I help you with?"

Aulden asked her the same, "What else can you help us with?"

She answered, "Probably a lot of things."

Aulden asked, "Are there books that go in different parts of the body?"

She thought for a moment and said, "Hmm, yes."

"Like what parts?" he asked her.

She said, "The foot, the head, and everything in between."

Aulden asked, "May I touch your belly? I'm so drawn to the life in you."

She gave in and said, "Okay."

Aulden really did feel a compelling urge to touch her, and somehow he understood that physical contact would connect them, the way that Janice warned about intimacy with the muse spirits in an earlier phase of the journey. He placed his hand on her stomach, standing very close to her, his face almost touching hers, and he whispered, "Tell me, are you the True Self, who The Wind told me about?"

She whispered back, "I'm the possibility…" but she stopped mid-sentence.

Aulden whispered, "Who are you in my life?"

She answered, "I show you books."

Aulden asked, "The book of You and Only You?"

The pregnant woman said, "When you found The Secret of the Golden Flower on the sidewalk - I arranged that."

Aulden was surprised at her claim, because it broke a barrier between the land inside his head and the outside, and he asked, "In the material world?"

The pregnant woman repeated, "I show you books."

Aulden asked her, "Are you the True Self?"

She said, "No, but you're getting closer."

He asked anxiously, "Closer to you or closer to…?"

She interrupted, "Closer to Self. You'll see."

Aulden felt it. He felt the book of You and Only You inside him, and he turned away from everyone around him so that he could look inward and in some unexplainable way see this book inside himself.

He opened the first page of this inner-book, and read: "You and only you to ask and take so much, drink in the waters of my soul and take my touch."

Then he looked again at the pregnant woman, and said, "Could I… I want to know your name."

She answered, "Paula"

Aulden asked, "Just Paula?"

She said, "That's enough."

For all the times he'd been told to "take this in" and to "hold this inside," this time he'd taken the limit of his ability, and he begged off, "I think we should get acquainted with the clown at the novelty shop now."

Paula said, "Yes, go."

Aulden found it difficult to leave. Poseidon and Janice took him by the arms and, almost dragging Aulden, they led him to the clown doll that stood on the wooden barrel.

Poseidon explained, "I think he's ready to talk to you now."

This clown, standing less than two feet tall to the top of his cone-hat, seemed kind of creepy to Aulden. "Is this your shop?"

The clown answered, "Yes, it's my shop."

He said to the clown, "We want to learn from you. We want to learn about joy, and a clown should know something."2

The clown said, "I know a few things." Aulden asked, "What's the main thing about joy?"

The clown responded, "The main thing? Take your hat off. Live it. Do you want to smoke? Smoke. Do you want to lie? Lie. Completely free to do and be."

Aulden was skeptical, and said, "Tell me more about that. Isn't that hedonistic and selfish?"

The clown cried out, "No, no, no, no! No, no, no, no! Well, up to a point… No! You have an obligation to be you!"

Aulden responded, "I don't know if you're telling me anything I can use."

When Aulden said that, the clown gave an exasperated groan, threw his hands in the air and fell backward.

Aulden didn't want to lose what the clown might be able to teach, and he pleaded, "Tell me a practical way I can put your advice into practice."

The clown looked at Aulden with impatience, "Practical? Go jack off! Feel better?"

Aulden didn't give up the fight, and asked, "Where's the joy in that? This is about joy!"

The clown paused and simply said, "Oh."

Aulden asked, "Do you have any real advice?" and the clown responded, "You're not very nice; not appreciative."

Aulden said to Poseidon, "Maybe we need to leave and continue on the journey."

Poseidon asked, "Are you giving up on this clown?"

Aulden studied the little figure, and asked, "What's your function in my life?"

The clown answered, "To give you permission."

That made sense to Aulden, and he said, "Oh! That's the best thing you've said. We need to talk more. What's your name, little clown?"

The clown answered, "Clarence."

Aulden repeated, "Clarence?"

"Yes, Clarence."

Aulden introduced Clarence to his friend and opposite, "Clarence, this is Poseidon. Poseidon thinks the main thing in life is 'live, enjoy.'"

Clarence answered, "I think so, too."

Aulden said, "Shake hands with Poseidon."

Clarence then gave Aulden a surprise. He went to Poseidon, dropped to one knee and bowed, and said, "Your Majesty."

Poseidon didn't look surprised at all, and said to Aulden, "I told you, I rule the waters of the unconscious." To the clown, Poseidon said, "Rise my little friend. We're going to listen to you a little better from now on."

Aulden was so surprised about Clarence calling Poseidon "Your Majesty," that he listened with a more open attitude. He asked the clown, "Can you give me advice about having 'permission to be'?"

Clarence happily responded, "Permission? Take it, it's yours!"

Aulden asked, "What can you tell me about the book of You and Only You?

Clarence was becoming more excited, because nobody had listened to him in a long time. He said, "Trust the book and come along. Trust the book and come along."

Aulden asked him, "Do you work with Paula?"

Clarence explained, "She nurtures me and we wait. She keeps me alive. We wait for you to catch up; to read the book and catch up."

Aulden said, "Can I talk to her more? Paula?"

Paula had been watching from the doorway between their businesses, and she answered, "Yes, I hear you."

Aulden invited her, "Sit with us. Could I ask you… I want to ask you questions." She agreed to this, and Aulden asked, "What can you tell me about You and Only You. What's it about?"

Paula answered, "You and Only You is a manual. Read it only once your whole life."

Aulden asked, "Does it have a happy ending?"

She wouldn't spoil the ending, but instead told him, "No one can open those pages but you, one page at a time."

"Paula," Aulden asked, changing the subject, "What can you tell me about the baby you're having?"

She answered, "It's going to be a boy."

"Tell me more," Aulden pressed her.

She said, "I will have him in the spring."

Aulden asked, "Do you know what his place will be? His function?"

She said, simply, "For me to love him. I will love him - pouring out love."

Aulden asked, "Is he a book?"

She answered, "We're all books - all of us."

Aulden questioned, "Why are the streets here in Joyville so empty?"

Clarence the Clown answered that question, saying, "There hasn't been joy here in a long time. When there is, the streets are full. This is a tourist town, you know."

"Why would Joyville be a tourist town?" Aulden asked him.

Clarence told him, "There is no other industry."

Aulden wondered out loud, "Except for… outsiders? Tourists are from the outside. How does that relate to joy?"

Clarence answered, "You figure that out."

Aulden responded, "I'm asking you."

Clarence told him, "A lot to think about. But lately there's nothing to bring them in."

"I think I see," Aulden continued, "How do we improve tourism?"

Clarence answered, "I do everything I can. I give you permission to be yourself."

Paula answered, "And I show you how to understand yourself."

Aulden asked, "Is that what the book is about?"

She replied, "To know yourself."

This was getting to be too much for Aulden and he turned to The Wind for advice, saying, "I want to ask her why I keep seeing images of pregnancy along this journey. I think it's a metaphor, but I don't think I should treat people here like they're metaphors."

The Wind told him, "Just ask her."

Aulden wanted to put it in some other terms instead of calling it a metaphor, and he thought for a moment and came up with this, "Paula, all the pregnancy things… people keep saying things to me about pregnancy. Does it mean something special astrologically?" He thought he was being tricky, saying "astrologically" instead of "metaphorically."

Paula smiled and answered, "Yes, it means something astrologically. It means the alignment of you." Then she laughed.